How they came to be
by taliamellark
Summary: The story of how Katniss and Peeta grew together after the Capitol was taken down. The heartbreak, the loss, the pain but also a story of how two people truly saved one another.
1. Chapter 1

I lost track of the months that passed since the Capitol was successfully defeated. That was something that should have made me jump with joy. A world without the Capitol meant no more Hunger Games. Yet, I could not celebrate as everyone else had once the rebels had won. I had lost too much in the process. I lost my mother and Gale. They were alive but I knew that there was a small chance they would ever return. Finnick was dead. Peeta…I could not remember the last time I spoke to Peeta. My heart dropped at the thought of the boy with the bread. I missed him. I longed for Peeta. Some nights were unbearable. His embrace was once my safe haven. In his arms I would be protected from the nightmares.

But that was another thing the Capitol had taken away from me. He had been tortured and hijacked, programmed to kill me. I didn't know if he was better. I didn't know if he still loved me. I didn't even know if I loved him but I knew that I craved his presence.

And Prim… my precious and innocent sister. I gripped the sheets of my bed and curled into a ball. My eyes were squeezed shut as I tried to replace the burning images with sweet memories. I could not stand to think about her but I felt like forgetting what happened would mean to forget her and I could never do that.

I would never do that.

Taking down the Capitol did not bring back the people I loved and cared for most.

I had been a zombie ever since I was returned to District 12. Greasy Sae came every morning and night to cook for me. I did not know if this was out of kindness of if she was asked to do it but I was unable to form the words to ask. Sometimes she would bring her granddaughter to help. I did enjoy their company though. Greasy Sae never asked questions that involved a heavy answer. She would comment on simple things, like the change of weather or how the birds sang more often now. She found that I was comfortable with silence.

Haymitch hardly ever left his house either so I rarely saw him. I didn't dare leave my house since the moment I returned. On rare occasions Haymitch would make an appearance at dinner time but no words were ever exchanged. He was always drowning in alcohol and I no longer judged him for it. I would do anything to numb the pain that coursed through my veins.

I was still curled up into a ball with my eyes shut when I smelt the aroma of food being prepared downstairs. I wasn't quite in the mood to venture downstairs to eat but my stomach growled in protest.

I rolled over to the side of the bed, slipping the blanket off of me and shivering as the cool air clung to my exposed skin.

Something seemed different today. The sun shone high in the sky and brightly through my windows. Although the air was chilly, the sun provided a fresh, soothing warmth. The birds sand loudly outside my window. Nothing was noticeably different yet something just…felt different. I shook my head at the feeling, not bothering to want to decipher what it was.

Slowly I sat up, feeling my brown locks slip down my back in my usual braid. My body felt numb and weak. I stretched, trying to ease the tension in my limbs but it didn't work. Sighing, I stood and grabbed the silk robe Effie had given me what felt like a lifetime ago. It clung to my fragile skin providing a smooth touch to my burned skin. The scars still painted my body; a reminder of what happened.

My legs shook as I thought of my beautiful sister. Every time she crept into my mind I wanted to close my eyes, sleep and never return.

However, I knew deep down that she would not want me to be like this. Taking a deep breath, I left the safety of my room and trudged down the stairs. Of course, there Greasy Sae was frying what looked and smelt like eggs.

"Smells great." I smiled which caused her to jump.

"Oh! Katniss! I didn't even hear you come down the stairs."

I had forgotten how quiet I was on my feet.

"Sorry," I apologized and sat myself down at the table.

Something in the air was different and I still couldn't quite figure it out.

Greasy Sae placed two plates down on the table, one in front of me and one for her.

"Your granddaughter is not joining us today?" I asked, pushing my fringe away from my eyes and glancing up towards her.

"Not today, she's out picking flowers." She replied and began to eat the eggs and bread she had prepared.

The food looked and smelled great. I began to eat my food slowly, savouring the taste. We sat in silence and that did not bother either of us. Sometimes I felt like eating food was a waste because no matter how much I ate, I never felt full. I was always empty.

When we were both done eating, Sae stood up and collected my dish and placed them in the sink. Just as she was about to begin washing them, I jumped up and walked towards her.

"Here, let me. You cook for me every day. I never do anything. Please, let me."

She looked up at me with her grey eyes and simply nodded. She lifted her hand, placing it on my cheek and smiled gently.

"Thank you, Katniss. I will see you later tonight for dinner." Dropping her hand, she turned on her feet and left.

I realized suddenly that I felt horrible, letting an old woman cook and clean for me when I was perfectly capable of doing it myself. Mentally, I was not even fit enough to get out of bed but physically I really could do the day to day things I should have been doing.

I washed the dishes thoroughly, dried them and put them away.

After taking a few deep breaths, my nose scrunched up at the smell. Was that me…or did something die?

I looked down at my clothes and realized that I had not changed since I arrived back in District 12. The only difference was the robe that I put on this morning. Suddenly, I felt bad for Greasy Sae. She had to be around me when I smelt like this and she did not even bother her. Or maybe it did, but she didn't say anything. Her granddaughter did not say anything either.

Did I really want to keep on living like this? Really, I did not want to keep living at all but I was too much of a coward to kill myself. I shook my head to clear the thought. I would try to live, at least for Prim. I knew that she would want me to.

I made my way up the stairs and into the bathroom. There was already a towel neatly placed on the towel rack and I figured that was there from a long time ago. I stripped myself off my clothes, pulled my braid loose and stepped into the shower.

It took a few seconds to get the water to be a sweet mixture of cold and hot. Once the temperature was right, I stepped underneath the warm water and sighed as the water caressed my body. It felt strangely good. I picked up the shampoo and lathered my hair in the stuff. I rinsed my hair of the strawberry scented shampoo and began to massage conditioner into my hair.

I spent quite a while in the shower, lathering my body with sweet smelling soaps and washing it off, rinsing and repeating.

Once I felt clean enough, I turned off the water and hopped out. I wrapped the towel around my body and stared into the mirror. Nothing had physically changed (except the scars) but I was a completely different person. I looked dead and empty.

I picked up the comb and began to untangle the knots out of my hair. This took a while and eventually I was done. I braided my hair to the side.

I left the bathroom and entered into my room. Without giving it much thought, I chose a simple t-shirt and jeans and slowly dressed myself.

My bed looked incredibly inviting and abruptly I felt tired. My eyes were heavy and my body begged for me to curl into a ball and sleep.

I obliged, crawling into my bed and pulling the covers over me. In all fairness, I had done a lot more today than I had in the past couple of months. I closed my eyes and felt myself drift off to sleep.

When I woke, the sun was high in the sky. I figured it was just after midday. I stretched, sighing softly before it hit me. I had not had a nightmare.

My nightmare was replaced with images of Peeta. I wouldn't exactly call it a dream. It was more so just images and memories that crept up on me while I slept.

This was the first time I had slept without experiencing any nightmares.

A chill ran through my body and I shivered, not bothering to give it any more thought. My stomach growled and I decided it was time to get out of bed.

I knew that I was beginning to get hungry again but I felt like I needed to be outdoors. I needed the fresh air. Greasy Sae had once mentioned that my bow and arrows were near the front door.

Today, I would go hunting.

I swallowed back my irrational fear of leaving the house and pulled on my boots. I went down the stairs and headed for the front door. There it was; my bow and arrows leaning against the wall. Had I really not ventured through the house enough to see these?

I picked up the bow and arrow and with a deep breath, I opened the front door. It pained me to see the house across from me. I just wanted Peeta to return. I did not even know if this was a possibility. I didn't even know if he was alive.

I closed my door behind me and began to make my way to the woods. I did not know if going there would bring back any dark memories but I knew that I had to try. I was sure that Greasy Sae would like some fresh game to work with. I knew that I also needed to do this for myself; I was afraid that if I stopped for too long I would forget how.

All too quickly, I was at the fence that surrounded cut off District 12 from the woods. Out of habit, I waited a moment to hear if the buzz of electricity which meant the fence was alive but expectedly, there was nothing. I didn't think that it would ever be turned on again.

I slid through the small opening of the fence. Once I was on the other side, I stood there for a few seconds to let it all soak in. I had not left the comfort of my home for a very long time and I grew worried that I would have a meltdown or something and not make it back home. No one would come looking for me. No one would even be able to find me.

I journeyed towards the woods with my bow and arrow in hand, ready to aim and shoot if I saw any game. The woods were alive everywhere I looked. The mockingjays sung high up in the trees, the bushes were coloured with berries and turkeys, squirrels and other native animals scurrying along the forest floor.

After a while, I had got two turkeys and a squirrel. I figured that was enough for now but I did not want to go home yet. Instead, I decided to head for the meadow where Gale and I often spent our time together.

I did not want to bring back memories of him; I more wanted to feel like my old self. So far, it was working.

When I reached the meadow, I slumped down onto the floor letting my legs sprawl out in front of me. I hadn't sat down since I left the house and I was exhausted. I did not have the same energy that I used to have.

I placed my fresh game next to me alongside my bow and arrow and lay down. From here I could see the sky. I felt a stab of pain as my grey eyes scanned the scenery above me. The sun was going to set soon and the sky was painted with many shades of orange. This was _his_ favourite colour.

The thought of not even knowing whether he was okay or not left a deep hole in my chest that could not be filled until I knew if he was safe. If I actually decided to pick up Dr. Aurelius' calls, would he tell me how Peeta was going or did he need to keep that confidential? I made a mental note to pick up the phone next time it rang. The pain in my chest was becoming too much to bare. I needed to know if he was okay. I needed to know if I was ever going to see him again.

The sun was slowly sinking down the horizon so I decided to take off home again. I knew I wouldn't make it back by dark but I knew these woods well enough to be able to find my way home in the dark.

I tied my game to my belt and began in the direction that would lead me to my home.

When I arrived home, Greasy Sae was waiting on my porch with a worried expression. She caught a glimpse of me and sighed with relief.

"Katniss! I was so worried when I came and you weren't here. I didn't know where you went."

I felt bad, I should have left a note.

"I thought you would enjoy some fresh meat to work with." I smiled in response and pointed towards the turkey and squirrel.

We went into the house and I sat at the table as she prepared the food for us to eat. I wanted to get up and help her but I felt absolutely drained from my little hunting trip that I felt like I wouldn't even be able to stay awake to eat.

"Katniss," I felt someone shaking me awake.

"The food is ready. I think you fell asleep for a little bit."

Oops, that was the one thought on my mind I had before I had fallen asleep; _not to fall asleep._

"Thank you for waking me. I am pretty hungry." I admitted. "The food smells absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much Sae."

She had prepared a stew with turkey meat. I gobbled it down quickly, burning my tongue in the process.

When we were both finished our meals, I washed the dishes and thanked her for coming. I felt like I owed her the world for looking after me for so long. I still did not know if this was out of kindness or if she was paid for it, either way I was incredibly grateful.

"Let me walk you out." I smiled, gesturing for the door.

As I waved her goodbye, something in the corner of my eye caught my attention.

I think I felt my heart stop and then hear it again as it began to beat rapidly.

I spun around, looking directly at the house across from mine.

Peeta's house.

Peeta's house had lights on. The lights were on. Someone was home.

Without bothering to shut my own front door, I sprinted towards his house. I did not knock.

I burst into his house. My mind was all over the place and my heart was beating like crazy.

Was Peeta here?

I took another step forward and held my breath as a shadow emerged from the darkness.

There he was; standing at the end of the hallway. He was dressed in grey sweatpants at a white shirt. A wide smile spread across his face and his eyes came to life.

"Peeta." I whispered before everything turned black and I felt my cheek against the cool, tiled floor.

* * *

_Hey guys, I decided I want to write about how I believe they end up together. I always felt like it ended too quickly and I wish there was a book that was dedicated to their future and how Katniss finally realized she had feelings for him. _

_Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Please read and review, it means a lot! Thank you :) _


	2. Chapter 2

When my eyes first fluttered open, I spent my first few waking moments in bliss. The smell of freshly made bread filled my nose and there was a soft fluffy blanket draped over me. I snuggled further into the blanket, intending to fall back asleep.

Then I remembered where I was.

I shot up into a sitting position, my eyes darting around the place. I was in Peeta's house. I started to breathe rapidly, wondering if seeing Peeta again had all just been a dream. Had I sleep walked into his house?

"You're awake." Peeta murmured, speaking from somewhere behind me.

I stood abruptly, whipping around to where his voice had come from. His expression was painted with concern. I could see the burn scars across his arms and I winced.

"Peeta…" I spoke; my voice was barely a whisper.

"It's me." He said strongly, the wide smile I had seen before I blacked out returned to his face. This made my heart skip a beat.

I wanted so badly to run to him but I couldn't find the strength to move.

"I…I thought that I would never s-see you again." My voice broke as the words came out. Tears began to stream down my cheeks. I realized now that I had lost all hope that I would ever see him again. Now he was standing not two metres away from me and I could not even move. I wanted to feel his protective arms around me.

"Dr. Aurelius only let me leave the Capitol today. I arrived a few hours ago. I wanted to come and see you but I was afraid you would not want to see me." He began to walk towards me and stopped when he was a few inches away.

I looked into his blue eyes that I missed so dearly. I wanted so badly for him to put his arms around me. He was the only person that could hold me together when I felt like a million shattered pieces. He was the only one that could make the nightmares go away. Whether or not that meant I loved him, I didn't know. All I knew is that he is alive. He is here. And that I wanted to be in his arms.

He seemed to be able to read the begging in my eyes. Within moments, he wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. He smelt of the fresh bread that he must have just baked. My arms, finally able to move, snaked their way around his waist. I pressed my face into his chest and we stood there in silence for a few moments.

"I missed you, Katniss." Peeta whispered into my ear, breaking the silence and causing a shiver to roll over me.

"I missed you too." I replied, my words muffled by his chest. There was a mixture of emotions coursing inside of me that I could not comprehend.

Reluctantly, I pulled away and dropped my arms by my side. His face showed a hint of sadness for a moment as our embrace ended but he quickly masked his emotions. I wanted to continue hugging him more than anything but I was afraid that I would never let go.

The smell of freshly baked bread still lingered in the air and it made my stomach growled. This confused me as I had only just recently eaten. However, the bread that Peeta was able to make always made my mouth water and I always wanted more no matter how many I had already eaten.

Peeta, hearing my stomach growled, let out a soft laugh.

"Are you hungry? I kind of made your favourite…" He blushed. God, he was adorable. "Cheese buns, remember?"

I nodded in response, the corner of my lips pulled up to form a small smile. He was correct; his cheese buns were my favourite.

Peeta smiled back and motioned for me to follow him to the kitchen. I obliged, following closely behind him. The smell of the bread grew stronger in the kitchen. I had forgotten how wonderful it smelt.

There were a few cheese buns placed on a cooling rack on one of the benches. My mouth watered at just the sight of them and my eyes widened. I could not believe I was getting this excited over a cheese bun.

Peeta grabbed a plate from the cupboard and handed me. He then placed two cheese buns on my plate and one on his own.

I frowned, wondering why he was only going to eat one. He looked a lot thinner than he had originally been. Had they even been feed-

"Would you like to sit at the table with me?" Peeta asked, pulling me away from my train of thought.

"Of course." I said softly, once again following him to the table. I sat down in the seat next to him, not wanting to leave his side. I knew that eventually I would have to leave and go to my own house. Although it was only across the street, a feeling of uneasiness washed over me when I thought about being that far away from him.

We both began to eat the cheese buns, ripping off little pieces and putting it into our mouths. I savoured each and every bite as it tasted absolutely delicious. I felt like I could eat ten more.

"These are delicious Peeta, thank you." I mumbled in between bites.

"You're welcome, Katniss. I will cook them for you whenever you want."

The sweet gesture made me feel giddy inside but I hid my emotions well. I was so confused as to why I was feeling like this. Originally, the whole 'star-crossed lovers' was just an act. An act that saved our lives during the first Hunger Games we were in. However, during the Quarter Quell I found it became a lot less harder to act. Then eventually, I realized that I was not acting at all. I did not let myself thing about this back then because it all made me so confused and terrified.

I was terrified to love Peeta because he deserved so much more than me.

I swallowed back my feelings and began to finish off the last bit of cheese bun I had left.

"So…how are things in the Capitol?" I asked, unsure of what else to say. There were so many things that I knew I wanted to say but I did not know how to put them into coherent words.

"I don't know. They didn't tell me much. From the looks of things, everyone is trying to get everything back in order and rebuild what they can. They do not want any of the districts to suffer. I don't know really…" He trailed off, his eyes focused on thin air.

"Katniss, look. I want to apologize. I am so sorry for everything that I called you. So sorry for trying to kill you-"

"Peeta, please, stop." I cut him off, shaking my head quickly.

"_It was not your fault."_ I said firmly, emphasizing each word. He needed to know that I did not blame him for anything. All the blame was on Snow.

He looked so sad. He no longer hid his emotions and I could see the regret evident on his face. I reached out and placed my hand on his cheek. He flinched as my hand came into contact with his skin but quickly leant into my hand. His eyes wandered up slowly till they were level with mine.

"I do not blame you for any of that. It was Snow. He did that to you. Not yourself. You couldn't control what happened to you and I hated that so much. That was another reason why I so badly wanted to take down the Capitol. Because they took _you_ away from me." I was quite shocked at easily these words slipped from my mouth. He needed to know that I meant everything I said. I did not want him to feel as though he was responsible for anything that happened.

"Katniss I…"

I quickly leant over and put my hands on either side of his face. He stopped talking immediately and his eyes widened. I was not intending to be this close to his face but I didn't pull away. I looked deeply into his eyes for a moment. My breathing suddenly became ragged.

Partly, I was being selfish because I did not want him to speak of what happened in the past. It would make old memories surface.

"I _do not _blame you, Peeta. You need to know that, okay?" I was whispering, afraid to speak any louder. I pressed my forehead to his, somehow comforted by our closeness. We had not been this close in a very long time and the proximity of his lips sent shivers down my spine and made my stomach turn into knots.

"Please don't speak of what happened in the past. I want you to focus on the present. The last thing I want is for you to feel guilt about what happened because I know that it was not you. I know that it was what they did to you that caused you to act like that. I know that deep down, you still loved and cared about me. I want you to be happy, Peeta." I had no idea where this was coming from as I didn't even know if I could ever be happy again myself. I may have lost my sister but he had lost his entire family and he had been tortured. He had the one thing done to him that he did not want; they had changed him into something he was not.

"I am just across the street if you need me. You are welcome to come and see me whenever you want." At this, his eyes lit up and he began to smile. Our eyes still stayed locked on each other. There was a part buried deep inside of me that wanted so badly to cover his lips with my own. However, I didn't. I couldn't feel that way about him. I could not let myself feel too much for anyone anymore knowing how much it hurt when I lost them.

"Thank you, Katniss." He breathed, finally breaking his gaze and looking away. I dropped my hands to my sides and sat back down in my chair. We sat in silence until I figured it was time for me to go home. I needed to be in my own home so that I could try and figure out the chaos going on inside my head.

"I think it is time for me to go home. I'm kind of tired." I lied, knowing that it would be long before I could sleep. Even then, the nightmares would keep my up for most of the night. Peeta was the only one that could make the nightmares go away but I could not ask if I could stay. I just couldn't.

"I know." Peeta smiled softly at me before standing and picking up the two plates on the table. He walked over to the sink and placed them both in there then walked back towards me.

"Come on, I'll walk you out."

I stood up, this time walking ahead of him to the door. If I didn't leave soon I would not have the willpower to ever leave. I would stay here, in his protective arms all night. I opened the door and stepped outside before, turning around to face him.

"Thank you for the cheese buns Peeta. And thank you for letting me stay here for so long. You don't understand how good it was to be able to see you again."

"Trust me, Katniss, I know. I am more than happy to be back here just for the simple fact that you are here. I probably would not have been able to come back if it weren't for you. I probably would not have been able to recover if it weren't for you." I stared at him in confusion but he just shook his head.

"I'll explain tomorrow. I don't want to keep you from sleeping." He opened his arms, inviting me in. I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around him once again. I felt like I fit perfectly. Awkwardly, but it was perfect.

"Promise me when I wake up tomorrow you will still be here?" I whispered, hiding my face so that he would not be able to read my emotions. I felt like this was all a dream and that tomorrow when I woke up, he would not be here. My heart started to race at the very thought of waking up and having my hopes crushed.

"I promise I'll be here. Always." Peeta whispered into my hair, hugging me slightly tighter for a moment before letting me go. He held me at arm's length and that wide smile that made my heart melt spread across his face. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I'll see you tomorrow." I whispered, turning quickly and not looking back as I made a beeline to my house. I was desperately fighting the urge to run back and tell him how I was feeling but I could not let myself do that.

When I got back to my house I realized that someone had shut the front door. I kicked off my boots and walked straight up the stairs and into my room. Dropping down onto the bed, I crawled under the covers and pulled them over my head.

Did all this mean that I really loved Peeta? The way I was feeling when I was with him and the strong urges that coursed through my body…was that an indication for love? I knew that ever since the Quarter Quell, I felt far more strongly for Peeta but I never thought that the feeling was love. Not in this particular form anyway. I wanted him in every way possible.

No.

I didn't.

I couldn't.

Or did I?

There was no threat that would take him away from me. There was no one left to torture him and use him just to break me.

However, he could decide to leave me at any time. And I didn't think that I could live with another person I love leaving me whether it was their decision or not.

Within saying that, I did not know if he even still felt the same way about me. I had been a completely horrible person to him and hurt him terribly. Why in the world would he still feel anything for me?

I lay there for a few hours, fighting every impulse that coursed through me. It took everything I had to stop myself from running to his house and into his arms. In time, I drifted off to sleep only to be woken up with nightmares what felt like every hour.

They consisted mostly of me searching for Peeta, calling out his name and hearing no response. I would search through his house, in the town and even the woods but he would never respond or his face would never appear and eventually I gave in, dropping to the damp forest floor, sobbing for him to return.


	3. Chapter 3

I rolled over in bed and buried my face further into the pillow, groaning when I realized it was wet. My eyes fluttered open. They stung badly and I realized that my pillow was damp from what could only be my tears. Had I been crying in my sleep?

I knew that I had woken up several times last night. Sometimes screaming, sometimes calling Peeta's name. I hoped that he did not hear me.

I didn't realize that I had been crying though. I closed my eyes, wanting so badly to fall back to sleep but I knew that what waited for me in my dreams was far worse than dealing with being conscious.

Slowly, I stood up. Looking down, I realized that I had not changed from the clothes I was wearing last night. I rolled my eyes, remembering I had not changed for months on end when I had come home from the Capitol.

I walked to the bathroom, eager to feel the water on my skin. Ever since I had showered yesterday for the first time in what felt like forever, I had been craving another. The water felt so good on my scarred skin.

I stripped myself of my clothes and hopped into the shower. I made sure the temperature was just how I liked it before scrubbing myself with soap that smelled of daisies. This time, I did not bother to wash my hair since I had already washed it yesterday. Instead, after scrubbing every inch of my body, I sank to the cool tiled floor and let the water splash down around me.

I knew that I shouldn't be wasting all this water but I really did not have the strength to care.

Worry was building up inside me. I needed to occupy myself as best as I could because if I didn't, there was nothing that would stop me from running back to the house right across from mine. If I found it empty, I wasn't sure how I could stand it. I could not get my hopes up only to have them crushed again. But it was already too late for that because my hopes were up. Aside from the anxiousness I was feeling, inside I was bubbling with joy.

Peeta was here and that made me happier than I ever thought possible. This feeling confused me and I was reluctant to think about it. It was not possible for me to fall in love for someone.

Or was it?

After a while, I reluctantly rose to my feet and turned the tap off. My body felt relaxed from the warm water and all I really wanted to do was lie in bed and go back to sleep. However, my stomach grumbled in protest.

I wrapped my towel around me, not wanting to walk past the mirror in fear of seeing my damaged body. The burns reminded me too much off…

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I did not want to think about her. I could not go back to the dark place again.

Once in my room, I quickly dried my body and pulled on a pair of jeans and a grey shirt. Not much different from yesterday but my wardrobe did not have a big range of clothes. I never really found enjoyment in them as usually they would always get dirty from hunting.

I walked down the stairs to the kitchen and suddenly wished I had something to conceal my feet from the cool, tiled floors. The cold sent a shiver through my spine.

My eyes searched the room, my eyebrows burrowing in confusion. There was no one here. No Greasy Sae or her granddaughter. That was odd, she had visited my house every morning to make breakfast. It did not bother me that she was not here to cook, I just found myself wondering if she was okay.

I made a mental note that I would go to her house later to make sure she was okay. Surely she was, perhaps she was just tired.

I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I only just noticed the subtle scent of freshly baked bread in the air. I searched the kitchen thoroughly, aching to find the source of the smell. The smell that reminded me so much of the boy right across the road.

My eyes landed on the bread that sat on the middle of the dining table. Quickly, my eyes scanned the room. My heart dropped as I figured that Peeta was nowhere to be seen. Had he dropped this off at my place in the early hours of the morning? That had always been a trait of Peeta's; waking up early. He had grown accustomed to it with being the son of a baker.

My stomach growled again.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll eat now." I muttered to myself, grabbing a knife from the draw and plopping down on a chair. I so badly wanted Peeta to be here so that I could share this with him.

I sliced a thick slice of bread before taking a bite. The intense flavours made my mouth water and I quickly finished the first piece. The bread was filled with nuts and raisins. I bit my lip, sighing as the thought of that day came into mind; the day that Peeta had actually saved my life with burnt nut and raisin bread.

At the time, he was unaware that he had saved me. During the first games, I had told him how he gave me hope that day and saved me from starvation. He had given me hope. And all I had given him in return was heartbreak.

I felt sick with guilt. Haymitch really was right when he had said "_You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him. _

That was another reason why I could not let myself love Peeta; because he deserved so much more. Surely, now that the venom that had once poisoned his veins had shown him the worthless person I was, his feelings would have changed. I was almost certain that he did not love me anymore.

He seemed indifferent when I was with him last night. However, I had quickly learnt that Peeta was a good actor and could mask his emotions when necessary.

However, if he did not love me then that would be far better for him. He deserved someone that could give him everything he wanted and more.

Sighing, I cut myself another piece of bread. This time, I ate it slowly, savouring each bite. I could taste the dough, the raisins and the nuts. However, there was a subtle earthly taste that lingered on my tongue. Just like Peeta. Oh god, how I missed Peeta's lips. They were always loving and gentle but at the same time, rough and hungry. Majority of the kisses we had shared were for the camera. However, during the Quarter Quell the kisses were not for the camera but rather because I wanted to kiss him.

I felt the lump in my throat rise as I recalled the moment Peeta hit the force field. It felt like there were hundreds of knives stabbing my heart all at once. How could I ever survive with Peeta gone? Thinking he was gone, not being able to hear the steady rhythm of his heart beating in his chest was enough to destroy me.

I ate another slice of bread then covered the plate and put it away. My stomach was satisfied yet I still felt completely empty.

Every bone in my body ached for Peeta. There were so many questions that I wanted to ask him.

_Are you completely recovered? _

_Do you still hate me? _

_Do you still love me? _

I pondered the thought for a moment, my eyebrows furrowing together. Peeta had not once said that he loved me yet he showed it in more ways than I ever thought possible. The little things he did for me all screaming the words he never got to say. Was that because he did not actually love me or the fear of knowing that I would not say I love you back?

Waves of guilt washed over me, drowning me. I could not believe I had been so horrible to Peeta. I could not believe how much emotional pain I had put him through.

I could not even imagine loving someone who only pretended to love me.

"Hello Sweetheart."

A voice arose from behind me, making me jump. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't even heard the door open.

I also had not realized that my hands were clenched into fists. What was I going to do, knock my 'attacker' out?

"Haymitch," I breathed, trying to catch my breath. "You scared me. Don't do that."

Haymitch rolled his eyes in response and sat himself down on one of the wooden chairs. Strangely, he did not smell like alcohol today but I could still hear the distinct _clink_ of his tiny bottles that must have been tucked away in his pocket.

"You're not drunk, what a surprise." I muttered, pursing my lips and siting down next to him. "Is it a special occasion or something?"

Haymitch ignored my remark, looking my dead in the eye.

"Dr. Aurelius called me."

I bit my lip and looked away, dropping my head low. Part of the agreement was that I spoke to him on a regular basis but not once had I picked up the phone to answer his calls.

"Don't worry sweetheart, it wasn't about you. Although he would like it if you, you know, actually answered the phone for once."

I sighed in relief, thankful that I was not in trouble. "So…what does this have to do with me?"

"He called to talk about Peeta." He now had my full attention. I returned my gaze to meet his eyes. "He just wanted to let us know that Peeta basically recovered himself. He is the only known case they have seen of someone returning back relatively normal from that state." Haymitch let out a heavy sigh. He continuously glanced at his pocket and I knew that he was probably aching for a drink. "Thing is, he is not _completely_ recovered. There are still things that could set him off so…just go easy on him Katniss. Don't bring up anything without him bringing it up first. Dr. Aurelius doesn't know if anything will set him off ever again or if he will be worse and completely break down now that he's back in District 12. We just have to take it day by day and help him as best as we can."

I nodded, sitting in silence to take in Haymitch's words. This was good news, right?

"I thought that he was fine since they sent him back." I whispered, lowering my eyes to the floor.

"He's been going good for weeks but that was in the Capitol. They wanted to see how he would react being back at home. They are fairly sure that he will be fine but Dr. Aurelius just wanted to warn us not to mention anything really. Well, not until he says something first." Haymitch replied, finally reaching into his pocket to pull out a small flask and taking a long swig.

That seemed easy enough. I was quite glad though, to see Haymitch as it distracted me from going to see Peeta.

"Do you think he…think he still…you know, feels the same for me?" I messily blurted out, feeling the blush creep up my cheekbones.

Haymitch laughed, taking another sip of his drink. "Why is that, huh? Finally realized that you felt something for that poor boy?"

I scowled at him in response, wishing I had not said anything.

"Sweetheart, there is nothing in the entire world that would ever change that boy's feelings towards you."

With that, Haymitch stood up and clumsily walked to the door to let himself out.

I closed my eyes and leant back in the chair, only focusing on my breathing.

I was not strong enough to resist the urge to see Peeta.

Without putting any more thought to the matter, I got up and headed out the door. This time, I made sure that I closed the door behind me before heading across the path to Peeta's house.

When I was outside his door, I took a few deep breaths and knocked rather than letting myself in. I knew that he would not care but I felt strangely rude if I just barged in again.

I heard shuffling coming from behind the door causing my heart to beat erratically. An unusual sensation dwelled inside me making me feel strangely…_nervous._

I was actually nervous to see Peeta and this deeply confused me. I had never really experienced these feelings before, with such intensity anyway.

My breathing hitched as the door began to open and as soon as Peeta came into my vision, a tiny smile crept onto my face.

There he stood in front of me, his blonde curls sat on top of his head in a glorious mess. He had heavy bags under his eyes, clearly he had not slept. There was a mixture of colours that decorated his clothes, his face and his hands. I glanced down at them; one was holding a paintbrush and the other trembled slightly. Once he had noticed my worried expression, he balled his hand into a fist.

_Do not say anything unless he mentions it himself. _

I told myself, swallowing harshly and returning my gaze to meet his piercing blue eyes. As I gazed into his eyes, I realized that they were still not back to normal. They were rigid and slightly clouded. Like he was trying so desperately to fight whatever lurked inside his the depths of his mind.

"Hey," He spoke, breaking the silence.

I bit my lip, unwilling to tear my gaze from his. "D-Do you mind if I come in?" I mumbled almost incoherently.

A wide grin covered his face and for a moment he was my Peeta again. "You don't have to ask, silly. Come in." His tone was light and casual. He moved to the side, gesturing for me to come in and I happily complied.

I walked only a few steps into his house before turning on one foot so that I was facing him. "You haven't slept." I pointed out, lowering my gaze to the floor.

Peeta shrugged his shoulders, averting his eyes to land anywhere but me. "I couldn't sleep. I was up all night painting. I'm….I…" I looked up only to notice the red blush that stained his cheeks. "I'm too scared of the nightmares that come with it." He finally whispered, dropping his head low.

He must know that of all people, I could certainly understand being too afraid to sleep. I could not stand to see him standing there, looking so helpless and full of grief. I swallowed back my earlier feelings of not wanting to feel this way towards him and stepped forward to wrap my arms around him.

I held him closely and as tight as I could manage, letting him lean against me. I was still quite weak so I wavered slightly under his weight. He noticed and steadied himself, wrapping his arms around me tightly as well. He buried his face in my neck, inhaling my scent. I found splendid comfort by the feel of his body pressed against my own, his breath against my neck and his arms around my waist. There were no words exchanged but our actions spoke loud enough.

We needed each other. It was inevitable. Whether there were any feelings involved, I did not know and I was not going to find out right now. That did not matter. We simply _needed_ each other. At that moment, I vowed to do everything in my power to do what I originally wanted; to keep Peeta alive. I need to pull him out of the darkness that he is in and help him survive this.

Reluctantly, I released Peeta from my tight grip, placed my hands on his shoulders and took a step back. His eyes drooped and his body slumped, clearly he was exhausted. I took his hand in my own and tugged, willing for him to follow me.

He stumbled behind me but eventually I had managed to get him to follow me into his room. He immediately fell onto his bed. At first, I thought he had already fallen asleep. I considered leaving now that he was asleep but as if he could read my thoughts, he turned and looked at me with pleading eyes.

I nodded, knowing exactly what he wanted. I kicked off my shoes and crawled onto his bed. He manoeuvred himself so that his head was rested on his pillow and he opened his arms for me. There was no way in the world that I could pass up his offer, so I curled up next to him.

I had longed badly for this, to lie on his chest and hear the steady rhythm of his heart. I had longed to feel his arms wrapped around me while being curled up next to him. Our bodies fit so perfectly together that it made me wonder if we would have ever ended up together if my sister had never been reaped.

I refused to think about that but instead focused on the slight rise and fall of his chest. I didn't know how much time had passed but it did not bother me. I did not want to sleep. I wanted to live and savour every moment. Peeta slept peacefully. Occasionally his hand that rested on my hip would tremble but all I had to do was place my hand over his own and the trembling would cease.

Peeta looked so at ease and peaceful as he slept. Looking at him now, it was hard to tell that this boy had endured so much emotional and physical pain. If only I could paint like he did; I would paint the image of him sleeping. Seeing him look so calm filled me with happiness. I did not want to leave him.

More hours passed and Peeta still slept. I did not dare to wake him as this was probably the longest and most restful sleep he has had in a long time. Eventually, I closed my eyes and let myself drift off into serenity.

* * *

The sunlight streaming in through the open windows woke me up. My brain had registered where I was and who was lying next to me and I sunk deeper into his embrace. I had not felt this rested in a long time.

"Morning," Peeta whispered ever so lightly, causing a shiver to course through my body.

"Good morning." I responded, smiling into his chest. I felt content for the first time in what felt like forever.

We continued to lay in comfortable silence for a while. Our breathing was the only sound that filled the air.

"I need to go into town today. I want too… I want to see something. Would you like to come with me?"

I looked up into his eyes and he had the same look he had last night when he wanted me to come to bed with him. He did not need to speak, for I already knew that what he wanted to see would require support. I was his support.

I nodded, slowly sitting up. My muscles felt stiff from not moving all night but it didn't bother me in the slightest.

"Let me go shower and get changed then I'll come back." I smiled warmly at him and he returned the smile.

"Okay, I'll see you soon Katniss."

I stood and put my boots back on and quickly left his room. I walked down the stairs and out the front door. I wanted to change as quickly as possible so that I could be back to comfort Peeta.

When I got to my front door, I was shocked to find that it was marginally open. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and fear. Without thinking, I pushed my front door open the rest of the way and there stood a tall figure in my hallway.

_Gale._

* * *

**Thank you ever so much for the reviews and the follows/favourites. **

**Honestly, I refuse to believe that Gale never attempted to contact/see Katniss. Anyway, I hope you all like it! Your reviews mean a lot so please leave a review and tell me if you like the story. Enjoy :) **


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